


My Friend and Crush

by Wilhelm_Alexander



Category: Original Work
Genre: Autobiography, F/M, High School, Memoirs, Nonfiction, Self-Reflection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-09
Updated: 2018-05-09
Packaged: 2019-05-04 13:44:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14594298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wilhelm_Alexander/pseuds/Wilhelm_Alexander
Summary: This story is a memoir of a real life heartbreak that I had suffered only recently, and that I can not help but think of it.





	My Friend and Crush

Graeme Leung once said on the concept of reconciliation; "Reconciliation and forgiveness are matters of the heart. They cannot be forced on the people."

I had a crush on this girl I met in my freshmen year of high school. This girl also happened to be the closest thing that I ever truly had to a best friend. She was extremely introverted, but she was still a very kind person nonetheless. On my birthday in June of 2017, I had nothing to eat for lunch and my school allowed the students to leave school property for lunch because it was a testing day. This girl invited to her house to have lunch. When we arrived, I was bitten by her pit bull (a God Damn pit bull of all things).

I was never angry over the incident and I am still not angry. My mother feels differently, she felt that the girl's parents weren't cooperating and she called the police to make sure that the dog didn't have rabies. The next day, which happened to be the last day of school, my female best friend/crush was angry with me. I begged and begged my mother to take me to her house so I could make amends with her and her family. My mother then became paranoid and she believed that my female best friend/crush was wrongful in character and that she would accuse me of some horrible act like rape. She isn't like that at all.

When school started back in September, I was able to meet up with my female best friend/crush for the first time in months. I apologized to her and she said that everything was fine. I thought that everything was fine, but I found her behavior was odd. Whenever I waved to her, she didn't wave back. Whenever I wished her a good day, she wouldn't say anything in response. However, she was an introvert, and so I thought that behavior was somewhat normal for her.

In October, I attempted to explain to her that my mother is paranoid and overprotective, but she was offended by my mother's paranoid thoughts. I apologized to her and again, she said that everything was fine. Before Thanksgiving, I learned that she decided to have her homeroom changed. She said that the reason was because of me, her parents do not like me, but she is not angry with me. She also believed that I was pursuing a romantic relationship with her. Whenever I would invite her to hang out with me, I would often jokingly say; "It's not a date!" I was worried that she might get the wrong idea, but I was intending to be a fool.

Although I was horrified, I accepted what had happened. By the advice of my school guidance councilor, I decided to back off and give her some space, but my guidance councilor also says that there is nothing wrong with saying hello to her from time to time, but we can only achieve true reconciliation if she wants to. From that point on, I decided to hang out with another girl from my math class. Just like me, this other girl is autistic (we both have Asperger syndrome) and we grew up with Thomas the Tank Engine. I also had a crush on this girl from my math class. However, I do think of my estranged best friend/crush a lot.

Whenever the two of us were to cross paths in the hallways, we would often make brief moments of eye contact but we don't say anything to each other. I barely talk to my estranged best friend/crush now, but communication hasn't stopped altogether. One time, she was absent from school because she was sick. I bought her a get well card and I personally handed it to her. She accepted the card and said 'thank you'. Back in January of 2018 (the Thursday before Martin Luther King, Jr. Day), I stayed after school to get some work done and I found that my estranged best friend/former crush was there. Wanting to be nice, I walked up to her and I said hello and wish her a nice weekend. In response, she smiled at me.

Aside from that, I have barely communicated with her. Not to long ago, I was spending my study hall in the library and my estranged best friend/crush came in. After she sat down at a computer, she turned around and looked at me. For what felt like a minute, the two of us made eye contact. She had a neutral look on her face. I'm not sure what she is thinking and it has kinda bothered me. Was she uncomfortable with my presence? Was she feeling guilty over what happened? Was she angry? I'm not sure but that moment, along with the numerous times that we have made eye contact has made me unsure of what to think.

I still try to say hello, but not too much. I miss her dearly but I feel that I may have to let go. In order to say hello to her from time to time, I hand her notes due to the fact that I am too afraid to speak to her. But I am worried that it would only make things worse so I try to back off, as the last thing that I wish is to cause her any problems. As much as I wish that me and her would be able to reconcile one day, I may have to accept the tragic fact that it may never happen. Losing the ability to reconcile is one of the hardest things in life.


End file.
